To my bissell power steamer

Dear Mr. Bissell Power Steamer,

I'm writing this to say THANK YOU. You are a good little carpet cleaner and I appreciate you. When I scream and rant profanities at you it is out of frustration at the dirt, not your pawdry 18 psi of suction power. You did a fine job of pulling that red wine stain out of the hall carpet. I know we'll see Mr. Merlot again, but right now it's great.

That said... I do take issue w/your attitude this afternoon. I know you're jealous of the Rug DR. I would be too! He's a force to be reckoned with! He has 32 psi, larger tank... dual jets and vibrating brush. I get it...
I will admit I DID turn my back on you for a while. I was jaded by the sheer suck capacity of the Dr... and oh my, the upholstery attachment... be still my heart. You can hardly blame me. Our relationship is 6 years old, and I do love you... but WOWZA, the Dr really is something.

You still have a place in our home Mr. Bissell... specifically the garage... but if you start the fake hiccups of protest after I pull you out of your exile again, well, we'll have issues. Your own cousin Mr. Steam Mop rolled his red eye at your shenanigans... HE DID! I needed you today. Do NOT get cocky about it. I've priced the DR out and I can have him for $500. If I get him AND the Scuba and Roomba you'll surely be sitting in the next yardsale for $20. Don't make me feel like holding onto you is for naught.

I have to say, I was very glad you decided to come around today, so thank you for your efforts.